Pendulum
by xclaux
Summary: He was the sun, and you were not worthy of being a planet. (Crossposted from ao3)
1. Chapter 1

Pendulum.

 _He was the sun, and you were not worthy of being a planet._

You met by chance in the most cliché fashion.

You were hurrying to work, briskly walking down a busy street. In your haste, you knocked over a man, about your age, a little taller. The groceries he had been clutching spilled across the concrete. Several eggs cracked and an apple rolled.

(The first sign that something was 'not quite right' was when he simply sat on the ground, grabbed at his sides, and _laughed_ while observing the discord around him.)

You'd wrinkled your nose and bit your lip and glanced at your watch. With a short sigh, you helped him gather up his scattered belongings. He looked up at you like you were a descended angel.

You just smiled back politely and reached for the nearest item, tossing it into the bag.

You passed him a loaf of bread and he grabbed your wrist eagerly.

"I'm Komaeda. Nagito Komaeda. Thank you, really you shouldn't have stopped to help me!" He grinned widely to you.

"I'm Hajime Hinata." You told him. You tugged your arm back and checked the vicinity. Nothing else.

"I gotta get to work. Bye." You added, beginning to walk at your previous brisk pace.

He called back at you to wait and you turned back to him, a little annoyed.

"Really," he began "I'm very grateful! Please, may I buy you a coffee or something, as thanks?"

"I really don't have time. Have a nice day." You'd turned on your heel and exhaled loudly.

To your surprise, he didn't call after you again.

"…Odd guy." You muttered under your breath.

You brushed it off as a chance encounter with a local weirdo. You weren't late to work fortunately, but the whole situation was an annoyance.

You worked part-time as a barista in a small café. The work could be tedious, but it wasn't overly difficult or anything. You usually enjoyed yourself.

A chime from the door attracted your gaze, and you jumped when you saw that shockingly white hair again. His eyes widened, and he grinned at you.

"Hi, again!" He sang out cheerfully.

"Fancy meeting you here." You were a little surprised, but it wasn't that odd. Just a coincidence.

He ordered a white hot chocolate and leant his elbows on the counter while he waited.

(That was another thing you noticed later- how he was immediately 'at home' anywhere. Confident and relaxed, as though he owned the place.)

"So, come here often?" You turned around and saw him wriggling his eyebrows at you.

"I work here." You'd said back to him, not amused.

He'd laughed airily and didn't say anything else. You scribbled 'Komeada' down on the takeaway cup, and then called out his name.

He took his drink and sat in a corner, tapping away at his phone, sipping slowly every so often. When you turned around, you'd felt a pair of eyes digging into you but you'd just ignored it.

Eventually, you turned around and he wasn't there anymore. You picked up a wipe and started to clear off the table he had been seated at.

A serviette was laid out neatly on the center, with a tip sitting in the corner. You started to scrunch up the serviette before you noticed something written in black marker.

Your name was scrawled across the top of the paper, with a phone number and a smiley face underneath.

You'd stuffed the paper in your back pocket without much thought.

Later, you'd texted him.

Hinata: Hi. This is Hinata. From the café.

Komeada: Hello! :)

Hinata: Yeah. Hi.

Komaeda: So! Coffee? :)

Hinata: Look, you really don't have to. I bumped into you anyway.

Komeada: But I want to! You were nice to me afterwards. ^u^

Hinata: Ok, sure...I'm paying for my own coffee though.

Komaeda: I'm just glad you'll let trash like me take you out~!

Komeada: That sounds like a pick-up line! :D

Komaeda: Are you trash like me, Hinata? Because I'll take you out anytime. ;)

Hinata: …

Komaeda: So, Sunday?

Hinata: Alright.

You'd worked out the time and place. He cheerfully wished you a good night and said he couldn't wait.

(He was so charming in the beginning.)

He was waiting for you outside of the designated café when you'd arrived.

(He assured you that he hadn't been there long, but you noticed him shifting uncomfortably on his feet and sighing gently with relief when he sat down.)

He sat across from you in a booth and grinned again.

You noted that he smiles a lot.

He ordered a herbal tea and you got a cappuccino. He watched you sip and you gave a wobbly, awkward smile in return.

Neither of you had said anything beyond your greetings.

"Luck." He said matter-of-factly.

Your brow furrowed a little and you couldn't find a single thing to say.

"My luck." Komeada elaborated. You nodded slowly at him and smiled tightly. You glanced over to the exit and briefly considered faking a family tragedy so you could leave.

"You see, Hinata, my luck swings!" To emphasize, he swung his arms in an upward arc, knocking a sugar sachet to the ground.

"It was bad luck that I fell over, of course. I lost a carton of eggs. But it was also good luck- because of my bad luck, I met you!"

His face switched quickly as he spoke, moving from pouts to smiles to a thoughtful expression seamlessly.

That was enough of that.

You jumped as though you'd felt a vibration in your back pocket, and tugged your phone out from your back pocket. You'd pretended to check your messages and gasped softly.

"My grandmother…has had a fall. I need to go check up on her." You told him. You'd never been a good liar, and something in the way his eyes hardened told you he didn't believe you.

In a flash, his face relaxed again and he smiled sweetly to you. He waved and sang out a farewell to you as you left.

Komeada: I'd like to take you out again. :)

Hinata: That's really not necessary, Komaeda.

Komeada: Awh! :c

Hinata: Sorry, I suppose.

Komeada: No, I understand that someone like you wouldn't want to busy yourself with someone like me. Just my luck! :(

Hinata: Haha, I guess so.

He didn't send any other messages after that, and you sighed a little. A weight was lifted from your shoulders.

Honestly- he was acting a little strangely. All you had done was helped to pick up his groceries, and he insisted on taking you out. On a date? Had it been a date?

You hadn't thought so, but perhaps he had.

You buried your head under your pillow and tried to fall asleep.

You sat in a dingy bar and watched as your best friend made a fool of himself.

"If I followed you home, would ya keep me?" Souda slurs to the pretty blonde girl. She just giggled awkwardly back at him, eyes flitting around the bar.

The girl she came here with had disappeared into the bathroom, looking nauseous. You didn't expect to see her back for a while.

"Hickory dick dock, it's time to suck my cock!" Souda says loudly to her.

You laughed behind your hand as she threw her drink over his yellow sweater. She wobbled away on her high heels as he keeled over and wailed quietly onto the tabletop.

With a roll of your eyes, you decided to help out your sorry mess of a friend. "C'mon, up you get." You mutter to him as you lift him off the table. You adjust his arm around your neck and shuffle outside, Souda sobbing quietly all the while.

You flag down a taxi driver and give him Souda's home address. You pay for the ride with your own money and decide you're going to send your friend a very salty text message in the morning.

And then he's gone. It's 11.30 at night. You suppose that you could go home, but you feel a little bored. You decide to go back the bar and drink a little more, maybe find someone nice to go home with.

First off though, you head over to the blonde girl. She's quite pretty, perhaps even beautiful.

"I'm sorry about my friend, miss. He's an asshole when he's drunk."

She smiles radiantly and assures you that it's fine. She waves her hands about carelessly as she speaks and you notice a thick silver ring on her right hand. Damn, you think to yourself, engaged?

She invites you to sit down with her until her companion comes back. You acquiesce and make small talk with her. Turns out she's foreign; travelling across your country with a friend who has dreams of making it big in music.

While you're discussing her home country the bartender sends a drink your way. You tell him that you didn't order anything yet and he motions to someone in the back corner, telling you that he had sent it for you.

You swing your head around to see who had sent it and came across a mass of fluffy white hair. You blink a few times, completely dumbfounded, and see Komaeda waving to you with a gentle smile. A strange knot makes its home in your stomach.

You down the drink and excuse yourself. The blonde girl nods and glances at something out of the corner of her eye.

"Ah, Ibuki!" she calls out, and you notice her queasy friend re-emerging. You take that as your cue to shuffle away.

You move to sit across from Komaeda. His elbows are on the table and his head rests in his hands. He grins up at you and you try to smile back.

"Thank you for the drink." You tell him stiffly.

"We're even now! Because you wouldn't let me buy you coffee." He sings out.

You can't think of anything to say back so you keep your mouth clenched in a straight line.

He leans in so close to you that his hair tickles your nose and whispers, "I really do like you, you know."

You flinch and pull away from him. You're at a loss for words.

He laughs at you and leans in further. You think that he might not be even on the seat anymore. You stop thinking at all when he presses his lips to yours forcefully.

You're too shocked to move. Komaeda smiles against your mouth and kisses you harder, with more intensity. He slings an arm around your neck and tugs you closer to him.

You're still not thinking; you kiss him back.

You end up on his bed with his head between your legs.

He gazes up at you adoringly while he licks and sucks, and you shut your eyes because you can't stand it.

"Look at me." He whispers to you, and you force your eyes open again. He kisses his way up your body, ending at your neck. He moves a hand down to your crotch and pumps away while kissing and licking along your neck and shoulder.

"I followed you to the coffee shop," He admits with a quick bite to your skin. He kisses the same spot.

"And I followed you to the bar." He adds.

You can't do anything but moan and arch your back. He pulls away from you with a wry smirk and reaches for something in a compartment of the bedside table. You see that it's a bottle. He clicks it open and slicks the liquid from inside over his fingers.

He doesn't say anything; just slides his finger into your ass. You gasp from the sensation. To be honest, it's only cold and unpleasant. Komaeda smiles to you before slipping another in. There's a sharper pain this time, and you gasp louder. He doesn't stop, or whisper words of comfort. He just smiles tighter and starts to scissor his fingers. You wince and ask him to take his fingers out, to stop, but he just shakes his head at you.

He adds a third finger and you start to tear up. You make a small, choked sound and he finally looks up at you.

He still doesn't stop.

He continues scissoring away while you make small, pained noises. Finally, he takes his fingers away, but quickly positions his dick at your entrance. Your eyes widen, and you ask him to stop again.

He pushes in with a sharp thrust and your eyes roll back into your head.

He fucks you. There isn't a better, cleaner way to put it. It's fast, painful and feels dirty.

"I knew you were lying, too." He laughs into your ear as you cry out. "Your grandmother…she didn't fall. You just wanted to get away, didn't you?"

You can't form words so you just nod quickly and squeeze your eyes shut again. He laughs, short and dry, and thrusts into you harder.

"I love you, Hinata. I love you already. Did I tell you that? I really do. So it hurts if you lie to me. Please don't lie to me again."

He reaches his climax and comes inside you. You don't like the sensation.

"You're still so hard, Hinata." Komaeda marvels, before moving down to suck you off. You come with a short cry and you feel dirty.

Komaeda hugs you tightly in bed afterwards, whispering into your ear how much he loves you, how beautiful he thinks you are, how perfect your body is. He falls asleep with his head on your chest soon after, still naked and sticky.

You can't sleep at all that night.


	2. Chapter 2

You wake up with a pounding headache and a stench from hell. Groaning, you pull yourself up. You retrieve your pants from the floor and slowly shuffle out of the room.

You find Komaeda in his kitchen. He greets you with a cheerful smile and starts to prepare a pot of tea, chattering away all the while. You interrupt him to ask where his shower is. His smile slips away a little and he nods in the direction of his bathroom. You thank him quietly and walk to the bathroom.

In the privacy of the locked bathroom, you start to inspect your body a little more. There are hickeys and bruises all over your neck. Small, dried-over scabs on your back and thighs.

Your ass aches.

You wrinkle your nose and sigh and mutter complaints to yourself while you try to turn on his shower. Eventually you get it to work. You hiss as the hot water hits your scratches- you didn't think they'd sting that much.

The water wakes up your senses and your mind. You start to think about last night. You regret it- you're pretty sure you regret it. You wished you'd just gone home after caring for Souda.

Then you remember Komaeda's admission of the fact he'd followed you. Despite the heat of the spray, you shiver. Suddenly, you really don't want to go back out there.

You start to consider trying to leave without him noticing you but quickly realize there isn't any way to do it.

With a deep breath, you turn the shower off and reach for a towel. You feel somewhat better now that you're physically clean, but inside you still feel tainted.

Komaeda is still waiting for you in the kitchen. The pot of tea rests on a bench next to a mug, and you pour it for yourself.

Your phone lies a few inches away.

"You left it in the bedroom, so I took it out here for you." Komaeda explains. You snatch it up and unlock the screen.

Souda's sent you an apologetic text message and asks you how he got home. You message him back and tell him you sent him in a taxi, and also mention that you apologized to that blonde girl on his behalf. He tells you that he's grateful, and that he'll pay you back sometime.

He's a good guy; just an asshole of a drunk.

You tuck your phone away into your pocket and notice that Komaeda is watching you expectantly. You have no idea what he wants, so you just sip your tea. It's too hot and scalds your tongue.

The silence stretches on.

Once you finish your tea he goes back to watching you with the same patient yet pushy expression. You look down at the floor and bite your lip, refusing to meet his eyes.

"I had a good night." He finally offers.

Well, I didn't, you think to yourself. You settle for a polite half-smile.

"I need to go." You tell him flatly. He looks a little upset and starts to protest. You cut him off.

"No, I really should go. I'll see you around." You have no intention of seeing him again.

He shows you to the door and waits near it awkwardly. You glance at him and notice his arms are a raised and wide. You freeze up and he hugs you tightly. You pat his back, count to four, and then push him off you.

He waves at you while you walk away and you pretend not to notice.

You called Chiaki to pick you up.

You're sitting silently in her car, but it's a comfortable silence. She's waiting for an explanation, you can tell, but she's waiting for you to say what you want first.

"It was a mistake." You begin. She nods without taking her eyes off the road.

"Dunno what I was thinking. He bought me a drink and kissed me at the bar, and then suddenly I was at his house."

You don't talk about what he did to you, but you're sure she can figure it out on her own.

"Are you going to see him again?" She asks.

You quickly tell her in no uncertain terms that you never want to see him again. She blinks a few times and then asks what else you aren't telling her. She's sharp, and good at reading you.

You're quiet for a little longer before admitting that he'd stalked you. She winces but doesn't say anything. You shut your eyes for the rest of the trip.

She arrives at her house and informs you that you're going to be staying here for a while. You lie down on her couch and she makes noodles. It's the two-minute packet stuff, but you appreciate it anyway.

When you're finished, she fetches paper and a pen and asks you to write down what you want her to pick up from your house. You tell her that it's ok; you'll just pick it up yourself.

She tells you with a forceful tone that you're going to stay here and rest, and to write up the damn list.

You do.

When you wake up, Chiaki is sitting on the floor playing a video game. She hears you when you sit up and pauses her game.

"Your bags are over there." She motions towards the spare bedroom. "And I picked up some groceries."

You thank her and ask for your phone. She flinches and stays silent for a moment before saying something. "There." She says bluntly, pointing to where it sits in a corner. Her bottom lip wobbles like she wants to add something.

You wait for her.

"…It's been buzzing every few minutes." She tells you. As if on cue, you can hear it vibrate.

You pick it up. You have forty-eight new text messages from Komaeda. You curse loudly, prompting Chiaki to move over to you. Her eyes widen when you show her. She takes the phone from you and you don't protest.

She scrolls through the messages with a furrowed brow. Occasionally, she grimaces, or bites on her lip.

"Do…you want to see?" She asks you gently. You think for a moment, and then nod. She hesitates for a moment before passing it over.

The first few were generic, thanking you again for the night and asking if you wanted to do it again sometime.

Then he started talking about the…actions of the previous night. He complimented your body again and told you how beautiful you made him feel.

Then he asked why you weren't responding. He asked if you hated him. He asked if he'd hurt you last night. He apologized for having his way with you.

He apologized several times over and begged you to just message back. He said if you didn't message back he'd hurt himself, and detailed all the ways he would do it.

He told you that he'd seen a girl go into your house and asked if she was your girlfriend. He asked who she was to you.

He threatened to hurt himself again.

His last text was simply an ellipsis.

You and Chiaki stared at each other for a long moment before she took the phone back from you.

"Do you want me to text him back?" You nod. "What do you want me to send him?"

"…Tell him I was sleeping." You mutter. She taps it out and sends it.

Moments later a new text comes through.

"So you don't hate me, Hinata?" She reads out to you. You just shrug to her and ask her to tell him that you don't know. She tells you that it might not be the best move, but she does it anyway.

He doesn't send anything back so Chiaki sets the phone down where you can't reach. She smiles weakly and asks what you want for dinner.

You stay at Chiaki's for a while. You called your work and recycled the story about your grandmother falling, and they gave you a few weeks off. For a while you consider quitting the job but you don't really want to.

Chiaki is too good to you. She makes you meals and plays video games with you to take your mind off him.

He still texts you, but not as frequently as the initial onslaught. Chiaki always frowns when you check your messages so eventually you start doing it when she isn't around. You're sure she wouldn't approve and it makes you feel horrid.

You pull your phone out from its hiding place when she goes to the bathroom. Seven new messages. It's been a day since you last checked.

Komaeda: Good night, Hinata. Have sweet dreams and a good rest. :)

Komaeda: Good morning, my dear Hinata! And what a beautiful day it is~! :D

Komaeda: I drove past your house today and that girl was going inside again. Are you in there? Is she your girlfriend? Is she giving you what I can't?

Komaeda: I dearly wish I could be with you, even though I deserve nothing of the sort.

Komaeda: …Every time you ignore my texts I hurt a little more inside, Hajime.

Komaeda: Why are you doing this to me? I love you so much. This is killing me!

Komaeda: Please at least let me know you're ok. I love you, Hajime. :)

You haven't messaged him back the entire time, except for the first time with Chiaki. Pity surges through you and before you can think to stop yourself you send a text back. Short and to the point- 'I'm fine. Need space'.

Space from him is the implied message, but it seems to go over his head. He sends a text back almost instantly.

Komaeda: Hajime! You're safe. You have no idea how much I've worried about you! Oh, you're ok my dear Hajime. I'm so relieved…

Hinata: Komaeda, I really need space. Please- stop texting me.

Komaeda: …You hurt me again. I love you, I can't leave you alone. And you can't leave me! I need you.

Hinata: Please. I'm not texting you again.

Komaeda: Hajime, you want me to hurt myself again don't you? Is that why you're being so cruel? You think I don't deserve you? I don't, Hajime I don't I don't I don't. If you want me to kill myself just say so! I would do anything you ask, Hajime. I have everything I could possibly need for it; just tell me how to do it. I would do it because I love you, Hajime. But I can't leave you alone Hajime because I love you. Please come be with me, please love me too my love. Did what we did mean nothing to you? Am I another cheap whore to you? I'll be your whore Hajime, I'll give you anything you want so please come back and love me. I don't deserve you but I can't be without you! I'm so sorry that I love you so much Hajime I'm sorry that I worry so much I'm sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry.

The blood drains from your face as you read.

"Give it here." Chiaki says. You jump and realize that she's been standing behind you for god knows how long, reading over your shoulder.

Your grip tightens.

"Give it here." Chiaki repeats. You've never heard her take such a fearsome tone of voice before so you immediately loosen your fingers.

Your eyes widen as she opens Komaeda's contact. You think she's going to delete him or block the number, but she calls him instead. He picks up on the second ring and you can hear him gasp out your name.

"I'm Hinata's friend," Chiaki begins. "I'll be talking to you on his behalf."

She turns abruptly and heads into her bedroom, slamming the door.

You sit on the couch with your head between your hands and listen. You can only make out the sound of Chiaki's voice, not what she says. She never raises her voice, and her tone sounds as though it remains calm.

You don't pay attention to how much time passes, but when she re-emerges it feels as though it's been hours. She looks weary and passes you your phone without a word.

You toss your phone from hand to hand. You're not sure if you want to unlock it or wait for Chiaki to say something first. You glance over to her and she's looking at the floor, pressing one hand into her forehead.

You decide to wait for her.

"I don't think he'll contact you again." She whispers. You're overwhelmed with the urge to hug her tightly, but her face scares you. Her eyes are dark and her mouth is set straight. You just nod at her and she slowly stands up. She heads to her room and you don't stop her.

You don't stay much longer after that. Over a few days, you gather up all of your things. Chiaki asks you a thousand times if you're sure that you're ready to leave, and every time you assure her that you are.

You go back home, and he isn't there. Everything is as you've left it.

You go back to work a week later, and he doesn't come in there. Everything was how it used to be.

Not quite everything. You flinch every time you hear a car drive past your house, and it takes you a few months before you stop wincing when you hear the chime of the door to your work being opened.

He doesn't try to call or text you again. Sometimes, when you lie in bed, you think that perhaps he did kill himself. Whenever you think that, you feel a sharp pain in your chest and your fists curl up, but you still don't try to talk to him. You're not sure how you would feel if you received confirmation of anything to do with him.

Life goes on.

You meet a shy girl who wants to be a nurse, and you go on a few dates with her. Her low self-esteem reminds you too much of him, though, and you break things off before they go too far.

You decide that you probably won't date anyone again for a while.

A year passes.

You still think about Komaeda from time to time. You still don't know if he's even alive. Sometimes, you wish he is, and sometimes you wish that he isn't.

You still don't date anyone. You can see him in everyone- a girl that Chiaki introduces you to has eyes the same color as his, and every time you see her your breath hitches as you remember the crazed, desperate look his eyes held.

Another girl has pigtails the color of the sun and a personality as sharp as his, but you honestly just feel bored in her presence.

You can't bring yourself to try dating a man.

You still work in the coffee shop, and you start taking courses at a night school. You're reasonable at everything you try, but you don't seem to excel in any chosen areas.

Another year passes uneventfully.

Your hair has grown out and you can't bring yourself to cut it.

You're hurrying to work, briskly walking down a busy street. In your haste, you knock over another man.

He is about your age, a little taller.

A wave of dejà vu flits over you as you watch an apple roll away from him.

He stares up at you with his mouth hanging open and you stare right back. The world seems to go silent.

(His hair is still the same shocking white, but it's thicker now. His eyes are brighter and lack the crazed glint they once possessed. His skin has more color, and his veins aren't as visible. His bones don't jut out like they used to.)

He doesn't laugh this time. He tears his eyes away from you and starts to pick up his groceries. You kneel down to help him wordlessly.

He doesn't reach for you this time. His hand twitches as though he wants to, but he stops himself. "H-Hinata?" he splutters.

You just nod at him.

He drops the loaf of bread he was holding and lunges to you.

He hugs you; and you let him.

Yo. How do author notes work here? Um. I'm just gonna pop stuff here because I'm an n00b and belong at ao3.

Hiya! Nice to meet you. This was the first Komahina piece I wrote, and upon reflection it's rather cringey! But I'm too lazy to rewrite it, aha. So you can have this in all its OOC glory.

My Tumblr is flamegrilledludenburger if you wanna hmu and talk about ships.


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